Thursday, March 19, 2009

One-Eyed Snake ... Plissken that is.

I'm reading: One-Eyed Snake ... Plissken that is.Tweet this!

One of the more amusing bits of Escape from New York and its campy but no less enjoyable sequel Escape from L.A. is the insertion of puerile dick jokes into the story. Yep, he's a One-eyed Snake. But how'd he lose that eye- if he lost it at all. Snake don't seem the kind of guy to wear an eyepatch for fashion. So why's he got it? Over at Lazy Eye Theater, they decided to ask a bunch of us nerdy movie bloggers to answer that question. Let me continue with the wee-wee reference for a sec and I'll get to that.
The dick gag continues in the unfairly maligned Escape from L.A. with the "I thought you'd be taller." I guess women are always expecting the One-eyed Snake to be taller. Hyuk, hyuk. This also riffs on the first movie, where he was always greeted with "I thought you were dead." No one ever asks him what happened to his eye- so he either had the patch for a good long time, or it's unspoken, because someone shot him in the face and he survived through his fearsome genetic badassery.
Before the world went entirely to shit, Snake was a war hero betrayed by the government, which made him go rogue. Since he was the youngest man ever awarded a medal by the President, as the story goes, his about-face revolt could not be revealed to the populace. So they hit him back hard. When he was robbing banks and striking back with Brain (deleted scene, really), the United States Police Force- the military police now in control of the country- were tasked with bringing him in alive, so he doesn't become a martyr. During that gun battle, Hauk- Lee Van Cleef, the commissioner of the USPF- watches his crack squad get torn apart by Snake. Watching from the rooftops, he takes a rifle and decides to spare his men their lives by putting down Snake like a mad dog, martyr or not, and fires a head shot. To his chagrin, Snake somehow survives. And good thing, because he needs him when the President's plane goes down.
Alternately, Cabby put a cigar out in his eye for skipping a fare.

The uber-nerds over at have compiled their own timeline from "canon" sources and interviews, and the book adaptation says he lost his eye in the military, during the "Leningrad Ruse," because he got a Purple Heart. The world's even worse in the book, with the population going crazy due to nerve gas use in World War 3. It makes me want to hunt down a copy, even if I don't like how it says Snake got his eyepatch.

Time to watch Escape from New York, and yeah, even Escape from L.A. again before they try to remake it. Supposedly the Gerard Butler rumor is dead and now Josh Brolin is being eyed for the part. I say to hell with both of them, bring Kurt back and make Escape from Earth!

1 comment:

  1. I agree, I don't think Kurt is too old or anything, I mean look at Stallone? Kurt is looking better than he did!

    I was one of the geeks who tried to imagine his eye loss. Was a fun thing to write.


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