Monday, March 2, 2009

Jump the Snark

I'm reading: Jump the SnarkTweet this!
Roger Ebert wrote a glorious blog decrying the prevalence of media snarkery. SNL just did a skit mocking bloggers who snark on stars and celebrities from the cozy confines of mom's basement. And as much as I like to make fun of people, I have to say that the apelike hooting of instant derision whenever someone famous dares deviate from our expectations has gotten very old.

All beard, no bullshit

So Joaquin Phoenix wants to rap. Good for him. If I was fabulously wealthy and had huge demands and expectations, I'd probably want to take a break and commit myself to something I really enjoy, whether my fans give a shit or not. Yeah, he was really gone minimalist, and obviously didn't want to promote the film he was on for; when you finally see the clip, it's almost as if he's been stuck as his character for Two Lovers, and you wonder if he's putting us on, a bit unhinged, or just wanted to be laid back and not put on the expected pretenses. And Dave was having none of it- he's repeatedly shown that he may have Johnny Carson's show, but none of his class. Johnny was ready for anything. Dave lords over his show like Meryl Streep's mother superior in the classrooms of Doubt. I remember a time when he'd have played along, but that part of Dave seems long dead. Maybe Crispin Glover kicked it out of him.

You can't always win. Michael Jordan playing baseball, anyone? Eddie Murphy's singing career? But really, why not. Jordan did it because his father dreamed of him becoming a baseball player, and when he died, he wanted to honor his wishes. Eddie, um... thanks for one more '80s one hit wonder. Does anyone else remember Bruce Willis's HBO special, when he played a singer named Bruno on a comeback tour? It was ridiculous enough to be entertaining. And he kept to acting, and only sang during Hudson Hawk, which became an undeserving flop. It was ahead of its time.

The Return of Bruno

People were snarking on Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway's musical number. Well, we know they both can sing. Jackman sang on Broadway. The lyrics were a bit rapid, but what I caught was witty and risque, making me wonder if Bruce Vilanche collaborated with Marc Shaiman (the South Park movie, Hairspray the Musical). Yes, it was different. The Academy took the broom out of its ass, which was much needed. Wolverine did a fine job up there. Imagine what a sharper wit like Chris Rock or Jon Stewart could do if they returned? Or better yet, a new face every year. Start with Tina Fey and Stephen Colbert.
Be Kind Rewind batmobile? Awesome.

A moratorium on making fun of celebs? Hell no. Britney is fucking nuts. Paris is a talentless self-promoting whore. Some things come with fame. But aren't we all tired of the inevitable snarks from the tabloids, the would-we Walter Winchells of the web, the diggers making digs, the bloggers hoping for hits. Me, I want famous people to do wacky shit. I'd love to wake up and hear that Julia Roberts has quit acting to take up performance art with Karen Finley. Let Madonna and Angelia adopt a thousand kids, at least they're doing some good with their millions. Have Tracy Morgan reboot Reading Rainbow. Make a 3-D remake of Silence of the Lambs, and make Clarice run down a whole ward of Multiple Miggses throwing their man-juice missiles at her. Why the hell not?


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