Tuesday, March 3, 2009

are you allergic to deez nuts?

I'm reading: are you allergic to deez nuts?Tweet this!
Seriously, what is up with all the kids allergic to peanuts? An article in Time magazine suggests that immune systems are weak because kids aren't exposed to the amount of dirt and germs they were years ago. With the preponderance of sanitary wipes, antibacterial goo, hand sanitizers, Lysol death sprays and whatnot, it can be expected. Let me share a secret with you.

When I was a kid, I got trench mouth. It is also known as acute necrotizing ulcerative gingivitis, which scares the living shit out of me now. Wanna know how I got it? Playing in the sandbox outside. Remember sandboxes? It was a simple sort of outdoor playpen. Make a square out of plywood and dump sand in it. Deposit child with his Tonka toys, plastic shovel, little green Army men, et cetera. Go smoke pot and make sure the dog didn't bury the kid an hour later. Now the problem is, if you have outdoor cats, they see it as a giant litterbox. See where I'm going here? At some point as a child, I apparently ate cat shit.
Mmm, kitty litter cake!

And here's the point- I survived. I also had a staph infection years later, which hospitalized me for a while. But I got baths by sexy nurses, in between blood tests. I still can't figure how to categorize it as good or bad. A third time I had molluscum contagiosum, which sounds like a Harry Potter spell, doesn't it? It's another childhood pox you get from other kids' bodily fluids being on the monkey bars. In fact, the banning of monkey bars probably did more to cure childhood disease than anything else. Now they must catch things off Wii controllers. Once again, other than mild hypertension due to my hot dog addiction, I am healthy as a horse. And I rarely get sick more than once a year.

But back to peanuts. The article includes studies that suggest that slowly introducing the allergic kid to higher and higher doses will eventually cure it, as the immune system deals with it. But isn't it much more dramatic to get your school to ban PBJ sandwiches, and to deny us peanuts on airlines because someone's Darwinian failure of a child might be two aisles over? Seriously, if your kid is that allergic, buy a fucking bubble. I sympathize to a degree. I'm sure the drama queen moms are the big problem, and most Peanut Parents convey themselves with better decorum. Let's hope that they "cure" turns out to work in most cases, and the .001% of kids with both asthma and severe food allergies can bravely conquer life with a fistful of EpiPens.

1 comment:

  1. "Darwinian failure of a child"

    ahahahahahahahahahaha!

    ReplyDelete

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